Category Archives: validation

On grief and empty trite phrases.

Please read my post in it’s entirety before leaving a comment that disagrees with the article.

I discovered this article today.

What You Say To Someone Who’s Grieving Vs. What They Hear

It really resonated with me, so much so that I almost wonder if the writer looked inside my head at some point. I deliberately read some of the comments because I wanted to hear the flip side and try to understand why this was the case. The “pessimistic”, “Eeyore psychology” comments were useless but they did help me figure it out. It all comes down to validation. When everything’s going to hell and you say, “This too shall pass,” I know you’re lying. This crisis might pass but I’ll still have my underlying condition and there will be many more crises in my future. This puts my back up and means I treat anything else you say with suspicion. If instead you say something like, “Fucking hell, that’s awful. Would you like a hug/cup of tea/mountain of chocolate?” I’ll love you forever. That phrase tells me that I’m not a failure or being oversensitive or unreasonable. I shouldn’t need permission to be emotional but because of my life experiences I actually do.

The comment about the writer of the article being one of the “offended by everything generation” helped me work something else out. I’ve realised that people who use terms like “the offended by everything generation” are actually part of the “wish we could go back to a time when we didn’t have to think before opening our mouths.” Which is odd because that generation are ones who taught me that I should think before speaking. They seem to have forgotten their own values.

I realise that this isn’t a one size fits all and that some people prefer those trite, empty phrases but I’m not one of them and it’s such a relief to discover others like me.

It was also nice to see so many different people being represented in the drawings.